Coda: when not using the urinal, men might choose a bathroom stall next to another guy. Most guys will try to get some distance between them and the next guy, but really, our highest priorities for the sit-down are a) clean seat and b) no previous unflushed content. Also, if we look down and there is no toilet paper, there is exactly a 0.000000% chance that we would ask the guy in the next stall for toilet paper. Seriously, I would sooner use my underwear as toilet paper than stick my hand under another guy’s stall asking for toilet paper, because these are your options for what happens next:
1) He pees on your hand
2) He poops on your hand
3) He ignores you
4) He’s an elected Republican official and puts his dick in your hand because he thinks you gave “the signal”
5) He comes out of his stall, kicks in the door to your stall, and beats the crap out of you.
6) He actually gives you toilet paper.
Now I know that seems like a one-in-six chance, but really, that last option is like 2% because “getting your hand peed on” has about a 75% probability.
TJ might be one of my favourite people on the internet. This should give you a good idea of why.
